Vitamin Sweet

As I carefully sort M&M's out of my small bag of trail mix, I have to smile. Who else sifts through their bounty and removes  the sweet stuff? My near escape from cancer has changed my eating habits, my preferences, and my lifestyle in countless surprising ways. I avoid sugar. I move slower. I pay attention to the signals of my body. And I empathize better.

Thanks to cancer and its subsequent labs and surgery, I know what a certain level of discomfort entails. I can understand, however faintly, the fear of death. My body has been violated by well-meaning physicians. My home life invaded by illness. All in all, refusing to eat a few M&M's is the smallest change to my lifestyle, but it signifies so much more.

See, just like those M&M's, the things I've let go of once seemed so sweet. Now, however, I realize that they contributed nothing to my overall health. When has overcommitting ever been wise? And wearing a Pollyanna attitude in the face of others' real pain now seems demeaning. My whole system of choice-making has fallen by the wayside in the wake of this two-years-past sickness, and although it's left me reeling, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I place the M&M's on the counter, then set to work on the raisins and nuts that remain. Their satisfying flavor fills up my mouth, and I grin. Let someone else have those things!My life is sweeter without them.