One of the greatest disappointments of my life is the lack of flair. I (mistakenly) assumed that my economy was God’s economy, that my idea of “good” was best for me and for everyone else. This led to crushing disappointment when things — career path, location, spouse and children, mission dreams, personal goals — turned out unexpectedly.
The outset. the three Bright Sides to this sadness that still remains:
1. It’s easier to go through suffering with others from a place of relevance. When they face disappointments and confusion, I can say, “I understand. I hurt, too. In fact, I’m still confused about certain things.” And my street cred goes up. People with lives as “perfect” as mine often appears need a little personal pain in order to be believable, in order for our empathy and caring to be received. I’m glad I can truly hurt with the hurting. I wouldn’t change that for the world.
2. Unfulfilled desires make me aware of the fulfillment I’ll find in heaven. Perfection here would make it hard to long for anything greater. I’m glad heaven feels real enough, good enough, to really long for. Even if the longing is so bittersweet.
3. I get a chance to try on new flavors of “me.” Without my identity wrapped up in the things I once held so dear, I get to find a new side of myself in each season, holding on to only the deep “me” that God defines. It’s no longer about what I set out to do, to accomplish. It’s about Him. And that’s an adventure I wouldn’t have chosen without some external Force giving me a shove.
Life is a very grand adventure. Dying will come when it’s time. Right now, I’m just trying to learn to live with the abandon that God intended. Disappointment, along with deep delight in my Savior, have proved to be the two biggest helpers along that unplanned path.
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