Vitamin Variance

This morning at the zoo, the light shone down into the sea lion tank and made patterns. Shifting, slidy patterns they were - half light, half shadow, and made all the more interesting by the liquid upon which they were projected. The sea lions had just began enjoying their morning quota of fish, and the water pulsed around in that tank like a miniature ocean at storm-time. The strange shapes formed by the light and shade on the water moved up and down the walls of the tank, mesmerizing me while my children looked on at the aquatic feeding frenzy before us. How beautiful, I thought. How apt.

Later, as we strolled through the zoo's sunny walkways, I noted the pleasing difference between two acceptable temperatures: On one hand, the sunshine warmed my back and inspired me to long for a good book and a nap. But then, moments later, we'd walk through a patch of shade - and the coolness of the fall air would invigorate me again. As we walked, I happened to look up and catch the pink gaze of one of the last flames of color to be found: A beautiful, two-flowered holyhock, raising its last autumn blossoms like a banner of freedom, of hope. The sun had caught its petals and lit them from behind, illuminating them in such a way as to make them impossible to overlook.

It went like that the whole morning. Trees, turning from summer to fall, afforded me glimpses into the whole gamut of natural color. Several zoo cages stood empty, reminding me to appreciate those whose occupants still remained. The howler monkeys stayed a strict silence while we watched them the first time, but set up their scheduled chorus just as we were prepared to leave for the day. Everywhere I turned, the subtle shifts of situation and time caught my attention, and then held it.

I thought about my morning at home - so miserable in ways too personal to write about, and yet holding itself out in stark contrast to the unsullied peace I typically enjoy. How could I, so blessed and fulfilled, find it in my heart to be put out at the occasional unlovely experience?

I pictured that holyhock in my memory again. It captured the sunlight so beautifully - but I'm sure it stays in full bloom in the shadows as well. As I walked with my children back towards our car, I began to appreciate the variations in my life for what they are: A rainbow of canvasses upon which to paint the same picture, again and again, and see how its background affects it. One canvas might be pale blue: Perhaps this brings out the blue in my picture as well. Another, like the light hitting the holyhock, might illuminate my picture in such a way as to make it striking, alive. Or perhaps the canvas given to me on a particular day holds a background filled with pictures just like mine. If so, my picture must still remain the same - and perhaps, in the painting of it, I can find solidarity with the canvas I've been given.

Whatever the case, I realize that my own identity - the Image in which I've been cast - finds its beauty and meaning not in its simple existence, but in the way I respond to my surroundings. Just like that sea lion tank came alive through the interaction of water and light on its surface, my own character can be enlivened as well. Light, shadow, darkness, tears - each of these things in their turn bring a new element - perhaps an element I myself have not yet seen - to my being. And in the shifting of these backgrounds, the variation of my life circumstances, I begin to know my own self a bit better. To see the Image I represent a bit more fully in my crudely-drawn lines and poorly-sketched details of my heart.

Yes, now I begin to se it. Not only are these variations a beautiful thing on their own, they also bring their beauty to me. Taken graciously, gratefully, as gifts from a Giver whose artistic ability far exceeds my own, the varying circumstances of my life provide just what I need to achieve true beauty. And perhaps, in all this growing and deepening, parts of my picture my actually turn their viewers back to the Artist who inspired them - and that would be the most beautiful gift of them all.