Vitamin Dissolve

How much time do I spend in making resolutions? In my opinion, far too much. Obviously, it's not just New Year's that captures my attention. It's new birthdays, new eras in friendships or family, new posessions, new schedules, new responsibilities ... the list goes on. Each of these things inspires me to aim for my best - to set standards I will consistently aim to meet. And, while the bettering of myself is inherently a good cause to pursue, I have come to see that all the bettering - all the resolving - in the world will not stop me from failing. As often as I rightly and consistently set out to keep any resolutions, I will fail and forget them as well.

This is not meant to be negative. It is simply a fact of existence. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," after all. It's not just me; it's the whole world. But I tend to take these failings so persronally -as if I really am the only one in the universe to miserably disappoint myself so often.

So tonight, as an exercise in freedom and grace, I'm choosing, just for a change, to un-resolve certain things. To dissolve them, if you will. And I'm going to start with a big one.

Dissolved: The belief that I have the power to keep all my resolutions without failing.

Dissolved: The notion that others do, too.

Dissolved: The concept that I alone fail so often at the things I hope to do best.

Dissolved: The feeling of personal responsibility for my inherently fallen existence.

Dissolved: The subsequent urge to pin on myself unnecessary shame and revulsion that leaves me unable to accept genuine Love when it's offered.

Dissolved: The belief that genuine Love must be offered with motives beyond the simple desire to be near me.

Dissolved: The wearing of these previous beliefs like a lead necklace, dragging me down with each step.

Dissolved: The need to rehash them in varying forms throughout every day.

Dissolved: The lack of freedom such rehashing brings.

Dissolved: Any desire to be other than that which God has created me to be. And, in conjuction with this, the belief that God wills me to be just like person A, B, or C in order to truly please Him.

Dissolved: The feeling that any mercy given to me must be given out of obligation or duress, not from pure and abiding affection.

Dissolved: The need to 'earn' the affection I have somehow, miraculously stumbled upon.

Dissolved: The need to make others earn my affection in the same way I once thought I had to earn God's.

Dissolved: The desire to moderate my enjoyment of good things, believing they don't come along very often and must be treasured and doled out accordingly.

Dissolved: The propensity to hope in muted tones, expecting disapopintment and preparing myself for the worst.

Dissolved: The need to give myself acts of subconscious penance, hoping to atone on my own for my sorry state.

Dissolved: The lack of relinquishing the atoning, forgiving, and remaking of my own self to the One who atoned for, forgave, and made me in the first place.

And finally ...

Dissolved: My right to experience life, joy, and freedom to anything but their fullest and most pure extent.

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With all this dissolving going on, I must spend a little time on the concept. As I dissolve each of these habits or beliefs, I see them disappear, floating out in smaller and smaller bits into the great absorbing Presence of One willing to dissolve ever more burdens and pain. I am relieved to see that when the process is complete, no evidence remains of these burdens. Instead, I see a pure and endless solution before me - the greatest Solution ever, one capable of handling all the things needing to be dissolved in the whole world.

This gives me immense satisfaction. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, I can continue to dissolve each and every negative vestige of unspoken, subtle deceptions. I can rid myself of those things that cloy and cling, leaving me feeling weighted down with ornaments far more harmful than worthy of another moment's attention. I can be free, unfettered, at peace. And if I wake in the night, feeling strangled by unspoken weight yet again ... I can simply relive this process. My Maker is waiting. He's ready. Just as He has been aching to take my resolutions nad make them lived out in Him, so He is anxious to receive each of these items to dissolve, holding them for a moment and then setting them free, to His glory and my joy, forever.

And no matter how great any resolution might be, it cannot compare with the lasting power of the eternal freedom I can experience right now - with the simple act of Dissolving.