I remember
the pit that formed in my stomach the moment I heard my Grandpa make a racial slur.
It had something to do with “niggers” and a woodpile, and although I didn’t
fully understand his meaning, I felt his words’ ugliness deep down in my gut.
Rage churned up inside me, but also fear. Grandpa was strong and I felt so weak!
I think made a feeble resistance at the time, or later, to my mom, who explained
that Grandpa grew up in a different era and didn’t understand that this comment
was inappropriate.
But this was
not enough. Surely, he knew! To this day, that single comment, along with several
others overheard during my formative years, makes me squirm. Those people can’t
be trusted. These people are too different. Things spoken in family settings,
things I strove to contradict … but things that shaped me, anyway. Our negative
childhood realities impact our adult lives like swarms of insects on a hot day.
We shoo them away, they return. The cycle seems impossible to escape.
The memory of
those rotten words makes me sick. But something else gnaws at my mind. Does other
rottenness exist, unperceived? Do I resemble my grandfather, ignorant of my harmful
words, my ugly acts?
I call on my
loved ones for help, especially those whose childhoods featured different isms
than mine. Ruralism. Theism. Monoculturalism. Conservativism. Lower-middle-classism.
I ask my believing friends, knowing that my most trusted exhortations have come
from Christ’s church. And I ask with a gratitude, with honor.
These are
the things that I wonder. Feel free to respond to as many or as few questions as
you prefer
- What do you wish you could say to people like me, people with my set of isms?
- What do these current times stir up in your soul?
- What do you wish your local church knew? What do you wish it would do or not do?
- Is racism an issue in your life?
- How frequent or aggressive does it feel?
- Where does it primarily exist?
- In the pursuit of growth, enlightenment, or healing – can you recommend a specific action step, or a resource or book for me or others like me?
- Anything else you want to say? To me, to the world, about hope or fear or your own isms?
Thank you. I value you and your input so much.
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